Historically speaking, the Cleveland Browns don’t win all that much. But, man, can they dominate a news cycle.
The latest example occurred Wednesday, when the team revealed a new, mostly brown alternate helmet for the 2025 season, one that will be worn in combination with the club’s brown jerseys and pants. Not only that, the Browns got their new so-called “Alpha Dawg” helmet sponsored by … DUDE Wipes − the company even providing a statement and, um, ‘stunt’ in conjunction with the announcement.
‘As the kings of keeping things clean, we’re here to back the Browns as they embrace a bold new look this season − with the launch of their all-brown alternate helmets,’ said Ryan Meegan, co-founder and CMO of DUDE Wipes.
‘We’re pumped to team up with the Browns for one of the most iconic helmet reveals the league has ever seen.’
Alright, pal. It’s a helmet. And an(other) ugly one, devoid of the creativity which would likely be quite welcomed in an alternate uniform. And based on online fan reaction, seems like most of them think the “Alpha Dawg” looks like, well, you know.
There’s more.
Per the Browns, “as the presenting sponsor of ‘Alpha Dawg,’ DUDE WIPES initiated a one-of-its-kind stunt on Lake Erie with a covered object on a 20-foot barge 100 yards offshore from Huntington Bank Field (Tuesday). Following the announcement of the alternate helmets today, the object was unveiled to be a large inflatable DUDE WIPES x Browns brown helmet to help bolster excitement for fans.”
Have a look …
(This Lake Erie mishap occurred seven years after former coach Hue Jackson took a plunge into its waters to fulfill a promise after the team’s 0-16 2017 season.)
As you might imagine – and you don’t need an active imagination – the internet has taken it from there, and one can probably guess which direction the digital conversation has taken. As for the fan “excitement?” Harder to find.
But you’ve got to hand it to the Browns. Has any team coming off a 3-14 season ever generated this many headlines in an offseason? (And, for the record, these are also the same self-proclaimed alpha dawgs who have played more seasons – 56 – than any team, save the Detroit Lions, without reaching a Super Bowl.)
First, their best guy, 2023 Defensive Player of the Year Myles Garrett, kicked off the week leading up to Super Bowl 59 by requesting a trade after eight ringless years. Garrett even composed something of a goodbye letter, writing: ‘As a kid dreaming of the NFL, all I focused on was the ultimate goal of winning a Super Bowl – and that goal fuels me today more than ever.
‘My love for the community of Northeast Ohio and the incredible fanbase of the Cleveland Browns has made this one of the toughest decisions of my life. These past eight years have shaped me into the man that I am today. … While I’ve loved calling this city my home, my desire to win and compete on the biggest stages won’t allow me to be complacent. The goal was never to go from Cleveland to Canton, it has always been to compete for and win a Super Bowl.
‘With that in mind, I have requested to be traded from the Cleveland Browns.’
Six weeks later, Garrett signed a $40-million-a-year contract extension, the club’s mud money evidently slaking his thirst for a Lombardi Trophy. Don’t be surprised if it’s a decision both parties regret in time.
A few weeks later, owner Jimmy Haslam copped to the mistake that set the organization on fire, a la the Cuyahoga River … as if the rest of the world couldn’t see the folly of the 2022 trade for dirtbag quarterback Deshaun Watson, whom Haslam doubled down on with a fully guaranteed, five-year, $230 million contract. (Incidentally, that deal provided the kindling that helped set the NFLPA, formerly led by Browns center JC Tretter, ablaze itself last week.)
‘We took a big swing and miss with Deshaun,’ Haslam said at the league’s spring meeting in late March.
‘We thought we had the quarterback, we didn’t and we gave up a lot of draft picks to get him. So we’ve got to dig ourselves out of that hole. (It) was an entire organization decision and it ends with Dee and I, so hold us accountable.’
Give him credit for the mea culpa, and there are certainly plenty of owners in the league who wouldn’t have offered one. It came three years after Haslam and his wife were supportive of Watson, who also cost the Browns three first-round draft picks, despite his rampantly lurid behavior at Houston-area massage parlors that led to two dozen lawsuits and an 11-game suspension from the NFL, which also mandated that Watson undergo evaluation and counseling. His acquisition caused many supporters to turn in their fan cards and also necessitated the trade of incumbent quarterback Baker Mayfield, a Pro Bowler the past two seasons for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Then came the draft. Oh, the draft.
After GM Andrew Berry had sent unmistakable signals – perhaps smoke signals – in the days leading up to it that he’d likely draft dual threat Heisman Trophy winner Travis Hunter with the No. 2 overall pick, once he got on the clock, he instead traded it to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Some Browns fans were as aghast at the decision as they were upon seeing those Alpha Dawg helmets. Others applauded Berry for picking up a Round 2 choice plus a first-rounder in 2026 while only having to move down from No. 2 to No. 5 this year. The jury will get a few years to render its verdict, but the deliberations will continue in the interim.
Yet even that blockbuster was mere prelude to Cleveland’s involvement in the 2025 draft’s overarching plotline: the free fall of Colorado quarterback Shedeur Sanders … which ended when the Browns took him in the fifth round with the 144th overall selection. Neither Berry nor head coach Kevin Stefanski looked thrilled by the Sanders pick once it was made based on their on-camera reactions provided by draft telecasts. Berry claimed Day 3 fatigue was to blame, while Stefanski said that the video didn’t truly align with the selection in real time. Still, they seemed far more exuberant in the moment about the quarterback they took 50 spots earlier, Oregon’s Dillon Gabriel.
(A word about Stefanski and Berry. The former is a two-time Coach of the Year. The latter has constructed two playoff teams – in Cleveland no less – despite being stripped of all those first-rounders by the Watson deal, a transaction both he and Stefanski seemed to endure through gritted teeth as it was being hailed by Haslam in 2022. Makes you wonder if taking Sanders was their idea.)
Whew.
Since then, it’s been pretty quiet. (Not really.)
Stefanski announced he’d be conducting a competition between former Super Bowl MVP Joe Flacco, veteran Kenny Pickett, Gabriel and Sanders to find his starting quarterback for 2025 – a four-way battle at pro sports’ most important position that, cough, typically happens with most NFL teams in a given year.
Sanders was ticketed twice for excessive speeding in Ohio. Fellow rookie Quinshon Judkins was arrested on a misdemeanor domestic violence and battery charge, and the team is now waiting to sign him.
Hall of Famer Charles Woodson joined the Browns’ ownership group as a limited partner. Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine signed a budget infusing Haslam’s plan for a new suburban stadium with $600 million. Just last week, the Browns even helped high school flag football for girls become sanctioned as a sport in Ohio – and, hey, give them deserved credit where it’s due, like in this instance.
But not Wednesday, when … brown crowns.
If you believe the cliché that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, then the Browns are a burgeoning buzz dynasty. Yet despite all the attention they’ve generated in recent months, they’re likely headed for another last-place finish that will (again) leave them well short of the Super Bowl and quite possibly looking for yet another quarterback in 2026.
In time, maybe Stefanski and Berry can elevate the on-field product to a level on par with the team’s PR acumen. It’s just going to take perseverance and a little luck.
But until then? (DUDE) wipe, rinse and repeat.